Good Morning Mr President,
Welcome to India!
Hope you had a pleasant stay at the Sheraton last night. And now, it’s time for a pow-wow with Big Chief Manmohan. Oops! That reminds me, the last time Mr Pale Face sat cross-legged with a Big Injun Chief, selling blankets and gunpowder it ended up with the extermination of the native Americans. And those Injuns who lived to see tomorrow got herded into reservations where gamblin’ been a way of life since, spinning the wheel of fortune for Pale Face alone as Chief Big Mouth keeps watching, waiting, hoping... That fortune will also swing his way. Because Pale Face told him so. That the world’s a roulette with only one winner: Pale Face.
How ominous! now that you’re in India. But then, I must surely be kiddin’. Mr Boooosh, you’re a good man. You told us so. And you ain’t here to sell us blankets and gunpowder Mr President, only some nuclear plants and fighter jets and Wal-Mart. And you’re here to nudge Chief Manmohan to open our doors wider for more dollar flows. That’s as good as it gets, Mr President. And to get that, you want us to do this ‘n’ that. Freeze our nuclear arsenal, for one. Turn off the tap on piped gas from Iran, for another. You’re here to get us to sign on the dotted line, Mr President. Wow! Or should I say, whatta pow-wow, man(mohan)? Yet, come to think of it, sir, the world’s not really a roulette, despite going round and round. It’s a chess board where my next move could at least be as good as your last. No wonder you now say, The World Islat. We know you want to sell us this ‘n’ that, Mr President, because you think it’s a steal. Now, how about us making you a counteroffer two?
Let’s get going on this nuke thing, first, Mr President. It’s been a long since they set up a nuclear power plant in the US of A. And no American I know, besides you, of course, wants to quite dirty his hands in that business.
But, if you care to know, we have Ratan Tata, Mr President, with impeccable global credentials, who wants to get into nuclear power. He’s got the cash, and he’s got the gumption, and he inherits a solid 100 years of experience running power plants. How about letting him take over your N-plants and set them in order, Mr President, just like another Indian Lakshmi Mittal’s getting the shine back on rusted steel plants around the world, including the great junkyards of Pittsburgh? With that kind of a deal, you know Mr President, Mr Tata could commit himself to any watchdog scrutiny, even while efficiently running your power plants and setting up new ones for us. We’ve also heard this thing, Mr President, that your healthcare system’s in a mess. That most of your guys can’t pay for insurance, and so, cannot get treated.
I guess, you’ve heard of this new thing about medical tourism, Mr President, where your folks fly down to stitch their hearts out here. We could do with much more, if you choose, Mr President.
Get our nurses and docs to pack your clinics without inviting immigration hassles.
We could also get our generic drug makers to flood your stores with low-cost medicines sans FDA clearance.
Why, we could even market an entire range of holistic herbal cures as medicines in the US, bypassing your customs. After all, what works for billion Indians can work for 300 million Americans.
Mr President, we understand you are a great champion of this outsourcing biz. But Mr President, we can be more than just a back office. We could run your power plants, nuclear installations, transport services, air services and fire services. Why, going by your interview with the Times of India, we could also run your schools and teach your kids to speak proper English. And why jus’ that? Believe us, Mr President, we could do a much better job keeping world peace and order, if you were to outsource the Great US of Administration to us Indians. You yourself have praised India’s democracy, Mr President, in your pow-wow with The Times, extolling the virtuous Indian mind that allows a Muslim President, a Sikh prime minister and a Roman Catholic from Rome to lead a predominantly Hindu nation. If so, Mr President, you can surely have an Indian at the White House. That’s what democracy’s all about.
Finally, there’s this one thing about your visit, I’d like to point out, Mr President. You’re going to address our nation from the ramparts of the magnificent Old Fort, a decaying symbol of our decadent past. Its history, Mr President is about people who believed in power, in conquests, in naked ambition. Its stairways also remind us of how the mighty can fall. I can understand your sentiments. But had you left it to us, all we needed do for a pow-wow, Mr President was to download you from Oval Office on broadband.
Beam me up, Scottie, err Georgie, should I say. And sorry for the bother. Have a wonderful visit, Mr President.
Yours truly
Mis Chief
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